Butter Rum Cartoon

Butter Rum Cartoon
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Friday, March 27, 2015

WHY DOESN'T A RABBIT'S FOOT ROT?



Sitting in the bathroom just now, I thought of the common question most people have when they sit in the bathroom:
Why doesn't a rabbit's foot rot?

Like most boys who would grow up to sit in the bathroom, I carried a rabbit's foot around for good luck. I felt its claws and bones beneath its fur, but it just dawned on me that it should have rotted eventually. So I googled it and found not only the answer but the instructions!

1.  Cut the foot from a freshly killed rabbit.

2.  Pierce or drill a hole in the upper end of the foot, large enough to fit a beaded chain through.

3.  Soak the foot in a mixture of water and Borax.

4.  After the foot dries, sew the wound with twine.

5.  Run a beaded chain with a clasp through the hole. This chain will help you attach the foot to your key ring, belt loop, etc.

6.  Give your rabbit's foot to a friend in need. The superstition says the rabbit's foot is lucky only for the person who receives it, not the person who makes it.


Next time I sit in the bathroom I might wonder, then, if you can preserve an animal's foot with water and Borax, what else can you preserve? Does this open up a new possibility for mystery novels with murdered bodies in closets and attics, etc.?



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DEPRESSION AND MISERY



Depression and misery are an improper balance of nitrogen and carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, caused by involuntary psychokinesis. This is why these two unwanted emotions are apparently contagious; people standing around the depressed, miserable victim are breathing the same air he is, eventually creating a widespread psychic disturbance--a plague, if you will.

It continues as a cycle: You inhale an improper mixture of air, caused by a depressed, miserable person, which, in turn, causes an improper cell structure within the cerebral cortex in your brain. Immediately, psychic waves are transmitted from the brain into the surrounding atmosphere, electrochemically cutting down the carbon dioxide content. You automatically inhale more of this mildly poisonous air, and the cycle continues.

There is a solution to this problem, however. If there were not, we would have been dead long ago. The cells in the brain's cerebellum are much stronger and hardier than are the cerebral cortex cells. When the face is twisted in a certain way--when tension is placed upon the cheek muscles--the dormant cerebellum cells are revived and actively make their way through all channels within the vertebrate cranium, including the cerebral cortex. In doing so, they maintain the proper cell structure needed to withstand the loss of carbon dioxide--thereby ending the rampaging cycle, and the unwanted emotions.

The twisted facial expression--the tension in the cheek muscles--is the solution that has saved mankind throughout its existence on this planet. It is called a smile.



The pictures used to demonstrate this phenomenon are of beautiful Pier Angeli in the 1951 film "Teresa."



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Monday, March 23, 2015

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE CZEOM - THE GREAT PIPE TOOL FORGERY



I ordered a pipe tool through Amazon.com from a seller named Bubble Star, and it arrived today from P-Rider, 5902 Sovereign Dr., Ste. B-2, Houston, Texas 77036. When I read on it "MADE IN CZECH REPUBLIC," I was elated, having something that isn't made in China! But then with closer observation through a magnifying glass, I saw that it actually says, "MADE IN CZEOM REPUBLIC." Czeom? Never heard of it. So I goodled it. Can't find it. Nowhere online does it say where Czeom is. Suddenly I had on my hands a mysterious, alien, pipe tool.

Since I love a mystery, I search until solving it. My pipe tool is a forgery! Compare the two pictures below. I'm not sure whether or not these two pipe tools differ in color or if it's an image distortion; mine is silver in color. At the top is pictured the pipe tool actually made in the Czech Republic, also sold through Amazon.com but from the Nordic Art Store. The bottom picture is an enlargement of my pipe tool. It's hard to make the image clear enough, but mine really says, "MADE IN CZEOM REPUBIC." 



I don't know who committed the forgery but I would suspect the Chinese because of their worldwide market and because they're less familiar with English letters. What happened is that (most likely) the Chinese tried to imitate the pipe tool and misread "CZECH" as "CZEOM." Notice that not only is the font different, but the spacing between the letters and lines is different.

I should return my pipe tool for the forgery it is, but since it works just as well (so far) and is now a conversation piece, I plan to keep it. I distrust China, and now each time I smoke my Missouri Meerschaum cob pipe I'll be reminded why. I'll keep looking for Czeom, though. It might be a great place to vacation.





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Saturday, March 21, 2015

THE SECOND "WHAT IS THIS?" CONTEST


Our first WHAT IS THIS? Contest was held in 2010, and the winner was Lyudmila Kinum who guessed it was a piece of a tile from a floor in the excavated city of Pompeii, Italy, buried in the Mt. Vesuvius volcano eruption. Lyudmila was awarded the highest honor we could bestow--a lifetime membership in the Butter Rum Cartoon, with certificate!

In this second WHAT IS THIS? Contest, the winner will receive a copy of Dale Lund's book, choosing one out of three:

If you win, you get your choice of one of these books.

All you have to do is
guess what this is:

Hints: It belongs to Dale, but shouldn't. It's less than 3/8 inches across.

Click on a comment below and make your guess. Check back later to see if there's a winner. Contest ends on May 1, 2015.

[Members of Dale Lund's family are excluded from this contest.]



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For the complete contents of the Butter Rum Cartoon, click here.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

THE CAR GOD DROVE


Not Minot ND, but you get the idea
Decades ago we bought a white Plymouth Fury that used to be a Minot, North Dakota police car. It looked very usual, very family car, but under that hood was a 4-barrel, V8 engine. If you drove it at 25 mph, then slammed on the accelerator, you were all over the street scaring the hell out of everybody. This is the car that even God drove. As it says, God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden in His Fury.

Well, one night I was driving north on Evergreen Way in south Everett, Washington. While stopped at a light, a muscle car pulled up next to me on my left side. Its engine was so big that part of it stuck through the hood, and the car glistened with some metallic color that reflected the streetlights. Its driver was revving the engine, hoping for a drag race even from a staid, white sedan. Although I looked straight ahead and ignored him, I didn't want to disappoint him.

When the light turned green, he peeled out. And while his tires spun in place, sending out black smoke, I casually moved forward through the intersection. In the side mirror I could see him roaring up onto my left side to impress me with his smoke, but I inched down on the throttle to remain slightly ahead of him without appearing like I was racing or even noticing. He was so busy burning rubber that he wasn't getting the traction needed, and although we were side by side, I stayed a few feet ahead.

I never noticed our speed, but any traffic cop would have. The next stoplight didn't appear until I proved to him that my ordinary car could beat his muscle car. When we stopped at the light he was revving and yelling, and when it turned green I sped up to a legal 35 mph while he quickly disappeared ahead into angry oblivion. That Plymouth Fury had lousy gas mileage, but I liked that car.

Not our actual car, but it looked like this



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