Butter Rum Cartoon

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Saturday, December 10, 2011


These jokes are not original, but I want to share them because they're short but effective ice-breakers.  Throughout my mail route, I would often find myself on an elevator or a hundred other places with a stranger.  Ordinarily people would remain quiet, and remain strangers, but not me with my big mouth.  I would act fairly serious while saying some of the examples given here, and the other person, caught unaware, would belly over with laughter.  Many times their response afterwards was, "Thank you, I needed that."

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?
He sold his soul to Santa.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A pool table.

What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
They all have phones.

Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

Why is a dragon big, green and bumpy?
Because if it were small, white and smooth, it'd be a Tic Tac.

It was really fun to be, say, on an elevator (or anywhere) with a serious and quiet group of people, and ask in all seriousness, "Did you hear in the news about that actress who attempted suicide last night?"  They would all give me full attention in their sudden curiosity and say, "No, who?"  I would then say, "Oh good grief, she's famous and I can't think of her name now.  She stabbed herself with a knife."  They would be frustrated as I tried to remember her name, and I'd finally say, "She played that blonde...Reese?  Reese..."  Then of course someone would blurt out, "Witherspoon?!"  And I'd say, "No, with her knife"...then smile.  That dark humor brought me the best feedback, and people would remember me and tell me days later that they've been having fun telling my joke.

These are just some suggestions.  The important thing is not to remain strangers, and to help brighten up someone else's day...which of course will also brighten yours.

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