One evening during a particularly violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small son in bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked, with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't do that," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by a shaken voice saying, "The big sissy."
______
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down . . . I think there's yet another wee one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man . . . It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
______
If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
I don't get even, I get odder.
I am having an out of money experience.
I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
If it weren't for me, there'd just be a pile of my clothes on the floor.
______
The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um... No."
"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology but was put off.
"Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "...And I don't give any money to them, so why should I give any to you?!"
______
Sven and Ole were sitting on the front porch one evening, at opposite ends. Sven was listening to the sounds of the choir rehearsing at the Lutheran Church down the street, while Ole was listening to the crickets in the vacant lot next door. After a while, Sven broke the silence, saying, "Isn't that beautiful?"
And Ole answered, "Yep, and to think they do it all by rubbing their legs together."
______
From 1967:
There are 200 million Americans, 86 million are over 65 and 76 million are under 21. That leaves only 38 million to do the work, but 6 million are in the armed forces; that leaves 32 million to do the work, but 6 million are on welfare and that leaves 26 million to do the work, but 15 million work for the government and that leaves 11 million to do the work, 10 million are in school, and that leaves 1 million to do the work, but 750,000 are disabled or sick and that leaves 250,000 to do the work. Last week there were 249,998 people in jail. That leaves 2 people to do the work. And since you don't do much, no wonder I'm tired.
______
For the complete contents of the Butter Rum Cartoon, click HERE.
No comments:
Post a Comment