LETTER TO AN OBSCENE NEIGHBOR

 

       Once upon a time, a "neighbor" on our dirt road figured that we were driving fast enough by his apartment to warrant his freaking out.  As my wife and daughters got out of the car, he came roaring up to our house, screaming obscenities, then peeled out and drove away.  I then wrote him this letter and that evening put it in his mailbox.  

 

 191 Gooseberry Ct.
Branson MO 65616
August 22, 2018

To the unknown neighbor:
 

       I thought of coming over to speak with you (as a matter of fact, I did walk over, while my daughter chased after me saying she didn't want me to do a "Gran Torino") but since you have already shown yourself to be incapable of or unwilling to carry on a conversation, I decided to write this letter instead, in hopes that you'll actually read it.  My wife and daughters suggested that we report you to the sheriff (being new on Gooseberry, you may not know that we're not in Branson city limits and so are under the jurisdiction of the County), but for some reason I held off for now, but am keeping a copy of this letter for the sheriff's office in case this "relationship" escalates.

       When I questioned the illegality of what you did yesterday, my wife and daughters said that you came over and shouted obscenities at them outside our home, making them feel endangered, and yes, that is illegal.  Most men would not stand by when someone shouted, "Fuck you, bitch!" at his wife.  On the day we were celebrating our daughter's birthday, it did not go well. But following the advice of our other daughter, I am holding off doing a "Gran Torino" at this point, and will only say that I don't like you.

       As a matter of fact, there is nothing you did that would make us want to satisfy you regarding how we drive down our road.  You hadn't had your pubic hair for long (if at all) when we moved onto Gooseberry.  For many years we were the last house on this road (two of our now grown daughters were born in this house), but then another house was built further on, at the foot of the hill, and is now a safe house for women, and so we've had to deal with traffic passing by us for some time now.  Never have we complained about them, nor have I ever dreamt of running down to their house and shouting out, "Fuck you, bitch!"  

       Perhaps you were under the influence of something when you behaved this way.  If, when you feel better, you want to come over and actually talk with us in a non-threatening manner, you would be welcome.  I would expect an apology, though, if you want us to consider your desires.  As it stands, you have made my family feel endangered and are not at all a welcomed neighbor on our county road with no posted speed limit.  While we do not exceed the legal speed limit on Gooseberry Court, you have over-stepped your bounds in scaring my wife and daughters by shouting obscenities at them while they were here in our own yard.  And afterwards you peeled out and drove away like an angry teenager, in a manner much worse than any of us have driven.

       If any further attacks or threats are made, we will report you to the Taney County Sheriff's Department, accompanied by a copy of this letter.

      On the other hand, if you want to discuss anything with us cordially and without threats, vulgarity or speed, feel free to come over and meet your neighbors.

Sincerely,

Dale Lund

 

____ 

 

We never saw him again.  He apparently didn't stay in the apartment long.

 

 

 

 

QUOTES FROM MARK TWAIN

 

“Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

"'Classic'–a book which people praise and don’t read."

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; truth isn't."

"The funniest things are forbidden."

"There are no people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined."

"When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain."

"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

"Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience."

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured."

"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear."

"Don’t wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality."

"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it."

"It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog."

"If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re misinformed."

"You can’t reason with your heart; it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns."

"The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted."

"The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation."

"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."

"The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for."

"Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it."

"No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies."

"Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live."

"Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom."

"If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything."

"The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read."

"What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one’s self-approval."

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect)."

"Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."

"The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad."

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man."

"Loyalty to the nation all the time, loyalty to the government when it deserves it."

"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir…mighty scarce."

"All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, then success is sure."

"It is noble to teach oneself, but still nobler to teach others—and less trouble."

"To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with."

"It liberates the vandal to travel—you never saw a bigoted, opinionated, stubborn, narrow-minded, self-conceited, almighty mean man in your life but he had stuck in one place since he was born and thought God made the world and dyspepsia and bile for his especial comfort and satisfaction."

"Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very;’ your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

"Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life."

"A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory."

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty."

"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why."

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

 

 

 

PAINTING AT THE SHRINE OF THE PRECIOUS BLOOD

This is a copy of the immense Crucifixion painting above the Main Altar at the Precious Blood Shrine in Brooklyn, New York.  Bishops, priests, sisters and lay people state that it is one of the most marvelous religious pictures in existence.

BACKGROUND OF PICTURE:  Out of the darkness of the Old Testament, indicated by the dark blue sky, shines the red glow of the Precious Blood in the new Testament.  Back of Calvary is the ancient temple of Jerusalem, the scene of the old Sacrifice of the Paschal Lamb, etc., now giving way to the new Sacrifice of the Immaculate Lamb.  The golden rays around Christ symbolize the infinite value of the graces purchased for us by the Precious Blood.

"LOOK UPON THE FACE OF CHRIST"—and His entire Body, giving up His last Drop of Blood.  Many are the extraordinary conversions wrought by this touching figure of Christ.

THE ANGELS REPRESENT THE CLOISTERED SISTERS offering themselves as "Living Chalices," pouring themselves out by prayer and sacrifice in union with Our Savior for God's glory and the salvation of souls.

"BEHOLD THY MOTHER"—Mary stood beneath the cross, the Gospel tells us, and not swooning as we see her in some pictures.  There she stands as the high-priestess, clothed in her mantle of Blue; her beautiful sorrowing immaculate face, gazing on the face of her dying son, "close to Jesus to the last."

The TWO WOMEN at the side of our Mother typify the sorrowing, people of the Old Testament, yet clad in green, the color which symbolizes hope in Jesus, their Bleeding Savior.

MARY MAGDALEN again kneels at the feet of Jesus, enshrining in her napkin the Precious Blood trickling down the cross.  What a chaste, inspiring picture is this of Mary Magdalen, the Saint, in contrast to exaggerated pictures which still portray her as a sinner.

ST. JOHN, here, is true to the description given by the Gospel which depicts him as the Thinker, and the "Son of Thunder," not an effeminate youth as he is frequently represented by most painters.

LONGINUS, the soldier, after opening the side of Jesus and piercing His Sacred Heart, is now exclaiming "Truly, this is the Son of God."

In the upper left-hand corner is shown the "LAMB that was slain" symbolizing the SACRIFICE of the Mass.  His seven Bloodstreams flowing upon the earth which are the seven Sacraments.

In the upper right-hand corner is shown the PELICAN, piercing her breast to feed her starving little ones; symbolizing the SACRAMENT of the Eucharist wherein Jesus nourishes us with His own Precious Blood.

Around the border of the picture may be seen the Passion Flower and the grapes, ever used by the Church as symbols of the Precious Blood.

 

To join the Confraternity of the Precious Blood, write to:

Monastery of the Precious Blood 
5300 Fort Hamilton Parkway
Brooklyn, N.Y. 11219

 

 

 

 

ROSARY WITH WILSON

 

       I was dreaming last night that Micki and I were praying the Rosary, and noticed she ended a line with "Ireland."  And I said, "Ireland?  That's not right. There's no line in the Rosary that ends with 'Ireland.'"  But then it dawned on me that I was making a mistake, too.  There's no line in the Rosary that ends with "Wilson."  

       All in all, though, I felt pretty good to be dreaming about praying.

 

 

 

 

 

TWENTY QUESTIONS

????????????????????

       Have you ever played the game "Twenty Questions," in which one person thinks of something and the other person gets to ask a maximum of twenty questions to figure out what it is?  Each question has to be a yes or no question.  The secret to winning is to ask each question in a way that the answer divides up the remaining universe of possibilities into roughly two equal parts.  For example, "Is it alive?"  "Is it bigger than a bread box?"  "Smaller than a house?"  etc.  

       By doing this, mathematically, you can find out what it is out of 1,048,576 possible things.  If you take 1,048,576 and divide it by two, repeatedly, twenty times, the end result will be the number one.  Grab your calculator and try it.