THE ANIMAL BREEDER
- by Dale Lund
I used to breed animals, and I once bred a hippopotamus with a crocodile, and that with a human, and that with an elephant, and that with a bat, and that with a hamster, and that with a hog…and you know what I got? A hippocrocohumelebamstog.
Then I bred a snake with a tiger, and that with a platypus, and that with a kangaroo, and that with a human, and that with an armadillo, and that with an alligator…and you know what I got?
A snigerpusaroomanillogator.
And I once bred a frog with a python, and that with a rat, and that with an armadillo, and that with a gopher, and that with a buffalo, and that with a cheetah, and that with an apple (that was the hard part)…and you know what I got? A frythatarmagophaleetapple.
You know what the Latin-Greek word for “motorcycle” is? Well, in the days they were inventing Latin-Greek words, they didn’t have motorcycles. So the closest I could get was “speed not moving feet” and “a two wheeled vehicle.” And “veloci” means “speed,” “non” means “not,” “mobile” means “moving,” and “pede” means “feet.” And “bi” means “two,” and “kyklos” means “wheels,” and “cara” means “vehicle.” So the Latin-Greek word for “motorcycle” is velocinonmobilepedebikykloscara.
You know how to say “antidisestablishmentarianism” backwards? “Msinairatnemhsilbatsesiditna.”
You know what I saw the other day? I saw a hippocrocohumelebamstog, a snigerpusaroomanillogator and a frythatarmagophaleetapple all riding on a velocinonmobilepedebikykloscara, saying, “Msinairatnemhsilbatsesiditna!”
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