AS EASY AS 1 2 3 (and 18 years)

 

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RED SKELTON

 

Red Skelton was a good man who made America laugh.

Red Skelton wrote his wife Lothian a love note or letter every single day of their 24 years of marriage.

Red Skelton delivered his top performance before 54 tense fellow-passengers of a four-engine plane – after two of the engines conked out during a flight over the Alps.  For 35 minutes he danced and clowned in the aisle, and kept the others, including 11 children, calm till the pilot managed a forced landing in Lyons, France.

And Red Skelton wrote these very good books, first editions and autographed, and in the Lund Library.

 

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PLEASE SAVE ME TROUBLE

 

       Back when I had my 1974 Swiss Army Condor, I was riding home from work on Highway 65 and was going pretty fast when going off onto the 76 Blvd. exit.  And WHACK!  A big insect hit me right above my mouth and busted open!  It's blood or whatever ran both up my nose and into my mouth.  You'd think that'd be yucky; but the taste and smell were great!  I really liked it!  I have yet to know what kind of insect that was - bumblebee? grasshopper? - but there's something out there that tastes really good.  

       If you think you might know what it was, please comment below.  You can save me the trouble of running around biting open insects.

 

 

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MR DUCKS

       I got this from my sister, Linda.  I was befuddled, until she read it as I watched.

 

 MR DUCKS

MR NOT DUCKS

OSAR

CD WINGS

LIL B

MR DUCKS

 

 

       After I finally shook my head, she read it while pointing at the letters and words:  

 

"'Em are ducks."   ("Them are ducks.")

"'Em are not ducks."

"O S A R."   ("Oh yes they are.")

"C D wings?"   ("See de wings?")

" L I'll be...   ("Well I'll be...) 

'Em ARE ducks!" 

 

 

 

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BRAIN TWISTERS FOR FUN

        These Brain Twisters are at least 65 years old, and most are pretty easy, but it might be fun to present them to your kids.  Answers are given below.

 

 

1.  Do they have a 4th of July in England?

 

2.  Why can't a man living in Jacksonville, Florida, be buried west of the Mississippi River? 

 

3.  How many birthdays does the average man have? 

 

4.  If you had only one match and entered a room in which there was a kerosene lamp, an oil burner, and a wood-burning stove, which one would you light first? 

 

5.  Some months have 30 days, some have 31 days, how many have 28?

 

6.  If a doctor gave you 3 pills, and told you to take 1 every half hour, how long would they last? 

 

7.  How far can a dog run into the woods? 

 

8.  You are the driver of a bus that can carry 48 seated passengers and 16 standing passengers for 50 miles, or 32 seated passengers and 10 standees for 300 miles.  How old is the driver? 

 

9.  I have in my hand two U.S. coins which total 55 cents in value.  One is not a nickel.  Please keep that in mind.  What are the coins?

 

10.  A farmer had 17 sheep.  All but 12 died.  How many did he have left? 

 

11.  Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10.  What is the answer? 

 

12.  Two men are playing checkers.  They play 5 games and each man wins the same number of games.  How can you figure this? 

 

13.  Take two apples from three apples and what do you have? 

 

14.  A man claimed that he found some gold coins dated 46 B.C.  Do you think the coins are genuine?

 

15.  A woman gives a beggar 50 cents.  The woman is the beggar's sister, but the beggar is not the woman's brother.  How come?

 

16.  How many animals of each species did Moses take aboard the Ark with him?

 

17.  Is it legal in this state for a man to marry his widow's sister? 

 

 

 

 

 

1.  Sure. It's a date. 

2.  Because he's living.

3.  One.

4.  The match.

5.  All of them.

6.  One hour.

7.  Half way.

8.  "You" are the driver.

9.  A fifty cent coin and a nickel.  One isn't a nickel, but the other one is.

10.  Twelve.

11.  Seventy.

12.  They were each playing other opponents.

13.  Two apples.

14.  No.  How would they know it was 46 years Before Christ?

15.  The beggar is her sister.

16.  None.  It was Noah. 

17.  No.  He'd be dead.

 

 

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