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If you're at all familiar with my memoirs in the Butter Rum Cartoon, you should do pretty good on this tedious quiz. If you're new to the Butter Rum Cartoon, you'll be thinking: Who is this egotistical, crazy guy anyway? Know that this blog has many things in it that aren't about me, but I have 77 years of things, good and bad, that I'm constantly looking back on; and thought that making this quiz would be a fun way to do that. Answers to the quiz are given HERE, along with links to find out a bit more about the true ones. So, if you're sitting there wanting something to do . . .
1. I heard a porcupine cry. True or False?
2. I was a taxi driver for the Amish. True or False?
3. I kept a live boa constrictor in my army locker. True or False?
4. I wrote the first book on pet tarantula care. True or False?
5. A gopher once bit my shoe. True or False?
6. I played with a gorilla. True or False?
7. When I hated the Catholic Church, I confessed crying to a priest in the confessional. True or False?
8. A sparrow came to me for help. True or False?
9. My favorite food is butternut squash. True or False?
10. I scared my boss’s secretary so badly that she had to go home. True or False?
11. We accidentally left our 3-year-old daughter in another state. True or False?
12. I am the great, great, great, great, great, great grandson of Jens Andersen Skallebutek. True or False?
13. A cicada kept me from getting beat up. True or False?
14. A fossil I dug up is now displayed in a natural history museum. True or False?
15. I’ve shaved a woman’s head. True or False?
16. I worked full-time on a book for 2 ½ years, and it doesn’t give my name in it. True or False?
17. I can stick a knife into a tree at twenty feet. True or False?
18. I went into Mexico illegally. True or False?
19. Tom Smothers was a member of the American Tarantula Society. True or False?
20. I once practiced tasseology (reading coffee grounds). True or False?
21. My daughter played Jesus in a Branson show. True or False?
22. I lived with a prostitute for four months. True or False?
23. I showed a fascinated hyena what was in my zipper bag. True or False?
24. In front of many witnesses, I fired a gun at an innocent man and got away with it. True or False?
25. I watched Donald Sutherland get beat up right in front of me. True or False?
26. I’ve spent a weekend in jail. True or False?
27. I went trick-or-treating in my twenties. True or False?
28. My wife won first prize in a Halloween costume party when she was naked. True or False?
29. I lived in a station wagon with two other guys, a dog, and a skunk. True or False?
30. I was a member of the Huckleberry Hound Fan Club. True or False?
31. I once went to a theater to watch a movie about myself. True or False?
32. Twenty sea lions followed me across a bay. True or False?
33. People applauded my preshow at a Mahavishnu Orchestra concert. True or False?
34. The first time my future wife came into my apartment, I hit her on the head as hard as I could. True or False?
35. With my bare hands, I stopped two big dogs from fighting. True or False?
36. Hank Ketcham drew a picture of Dennis the Menace just for me. True or False?
37. I ran away on my first day at school. True or False?
38. I had a shoot-out with a judge in city hall. True or False?
39. I sneaked into a nudist camp and passed myself off as a member for seven hours. True or False?
40. I can balance a penny on the tip of a wire hanger, using no glue or stickem of any kind, and twirl the hanger around several times and stop it, and the penny will still be there. True or False?
41. A group of men celebrated my buying a quilt. True or False?
42. My wife and 1-year-old son and I hitchhiked over 4000 miles. True or False?
43. A duck followed me up the aisle in a church. True or False?
44. We have 3,704 books in a room in our house. True or False?
45. I once spoke on “Fear” in church, as a tarantula crawled up my arm. True or False?
46. I once faked a UFO so well that Search & Rescue went up the mountain to try to find survivors of a hot-air balloon crash. True or False?
47. I accompanied a man trying to find a prostitute in Utah. True or False?
48. When a car turned in front of me on my motorcycle, I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t see the gore, and I survived. True or False?
49. For the first year of our marriage, we lived in an 8-by-12-foot cabin without utilities. True or False?
50. I was introduced to Charles Addams in a barn. True or False?
51. When our car’s oil pump broke in Mississippi, 500 miles away from home, it was fixed in Walmart’s parking lot by a homeless man who happened by. He worked under our car for ten hours and fixed it. We drove home okay. True or False?
52. A crow ran to me for help. True or False?
53. I walked all the way up the Washington Monument to save a quarter. True or False?
54. My family and I flipped upside-down in a semi-truck, and walked away from it. True or False?
55. While on LSD, I once talked with Jane Fonda. True or False?
56. There’s a picture of tits in this blog. True or False?
57. An American girl who was in Korea the same time I was, later wrote a book on the Sasquatch and bought me an archery bow. We never saw each other in person. True or False?
58. I read a poem on stage in a coffee house. True or False?
59. With vultures circling overhead, I passed out after mowing the lawn and fell into a pool of black widows. True or False?
60. A tarantula drooled venom into my hand at a Cub Scout meeting. True or False?
61. I once met a girl by eating dog treats. True or False?
62. A reporter told my wife, “You’re the bravest woman in the whole wide world.” True or False?
63. I slept on a boxcar in Oklahoma. True or False?
64. My wife posed nude for a painting while she was pregnant. True or False?
65. I once left a boy without shoes high on a mountain. True or False?
66. A large, irritable, wild racoon once walked up my body. True or False?
67. I hitchhiked around the U.S., about 6000 miles, when I was 18, leaving with only $30. True or False?
68. Not very far, but I rode a Brahman bull. True or False?
69. I’ve had my life saved at least seven times. True or False?
70. My wife made waffles for me during labor, then gave birth in the dining room. True or False?
71. I hopped a freight, stole a boat, and trespassed on a marijuana farm, all in the same weekend trip. True or False?
72. I was interrogated for having a gun at an airport, and made my plane anyway. True or False?
73. A water moccasin rolled over my foot. True or False?
74. I received mail, including packages, from almost every country in the world. True or False?
75. I spent a week in a funeral home when I was eight. True or False?
76. On our first anniversary, my wife flew in a small plane for the first time. On our second anniversary she jumped out of one. True or False?
77. A wild pack dog gave birth on my favorite recliner. True or False?
78. I’ve collected every issue of “Famous Monsters of Filmland” magazine. True or False?
79. Holding a bunch of my comic books I almost got shot. True or False?
80. I once had an all-expense-paid trip to Washington D.C. for playing music in my mail truck. True or False?
81. Before marrying, my wife and I knew each other for only two months, our engagement was ten days, and we’ve been married over fifty-one years. True or False?
82. I was in Ripley’s Believe-It-or-Not. True or False?
83. When our youngest daughter was a baby, she was employed and registered with Social Security. We even went to her staff party. True or False?
84. Real Indians taught me how to make a tepee. True or False?
85. I was abducted on my 70th birthday and driven out of state. True or False?
86. A pack of wild dogs threatened me in the middle of a city. True or False?
87. I handed my knife to a man, thinking he would kill me with it. True or False?
88. I founded the American Tarantula Society. True or False?
89. On our eighth anniversary, my wife and I were in a gang fight. True or False?
90. I was robbed while hitchhiking. True or False?
91. I once placed a live tarantula on the shoulder of a former Miss Washington Universe, who had never seen one before. True or False?
92. My most popular YouTube video is “Dale Sneaks into a Nudist Camp.” True or False?
93. When I was a little kid, I saved a woman’s life. True or False?
94. I deserted the Army. True or False?
95. I won a week’s vacation to a horse ranch. True or False?
96. This blog’s most popular post is “How to Get Ants Out of Your Mailbox.” True or False?
97. I had a pet porcupine for a week. True or False?
98. A girl I didn’t know chewed me out for proposing to her. True or False?
99. A priest read my poem, “Frogs Without Legs,” from the pulpit. True or False?
100. I kept a gopher as a pet for over a year. True or False?
101. The worst thing my dad ever said to me was, “Jiminy Cricket, that kid!” True or False?
102. In appreciation I once let a scorpion go. True or False?
103. I once made the priest burst out laughing in the confessional. True or False?
104. I once ran for congressman. True or False?
105. I once had a fist fight with a priest. True or False?
106. All three of our daughters can honestly say, “I was born in the kitchen.” True or False?
107. I beat a soldier in a fight with my eyes closed. True or False?
108. I went to a federal prison to speak about tarantulas. True or False?
109. Andy Williams once paid for my corn chips. True or False?
110. I wrote a book on insects as pets. True or False?
111. This blog is the result of a poem that made no sense. True or False?
112. I stabbed a pencil into a bully’s arm. True or False?
113. I put the Old Testament into an 850-word vocabulary. True or False?
114. There are 85 more true or false questions in this quiz. True or False?
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